Pointless Random Funny Stuff
by BlackStar2
Summary: Whoa I updated! cool! still pointless and funny!
1. Default Chapter

Pointless Random Funny Stuff  
  
By: Blackstar  
  
Disclaimer don't sue me I'm broke. And I don't own Evangelion. And all characters mentioned in this story or any franchises are property to their rightful owner and I am not making any money off the said trademarks and I hope that people who read this go and give these people money so they won't bother me. =)  
  
BTW this isn't made to have lots of detail or make too much sense so don't tell me that it is horribly written it was made that way intentionally. And everyone is basically OOC. Heh heh heh.  
  
===============================================================  
  
Gendo had an emergency. He needed a salad. So he sent out all of the Evangelions to go to Wendy's and get him a salad. So the huge mech thingy went up to the drive through window of a Wendy's. But Shinji accidentally stepped on it killing everyone in it.  
  
"Ooops," Was all he said.  
  
So they had to drag their sad asses to another Wendy's and made sure Shinji didn't step on the stupid thing.  
  
"This is unit 01 I'm going in!"  
  
"Hello welcome to Wendy's would you like to try our chicken salad?  
  
"I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away!!!"  
  
"DAMMIT BUY THE SALAD!"  
  
"I CAN'T I WOULD RATHER DIE!"  
  
"Engage the dummy plug."  
  
"BUT IT ISN'T READY YET!"  
  
"DO IT!"  
  
Then the Eva's voice said: "I want every salad you have. NOW!"  
  
"Okay that will be…"  
  
"NOW!"  
  
"Pull up to the window please.  
  
The Eva took a step and missed the pick up window and crushed a building full of kittens, puppies, and little baby bunnies.  
  
"NO FATHER NO!! MAKE IT STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAKE IT STOP! FATHER STOP IT!"  
  
The Eva then picked up the salads, crushed the Wendy's, beat up Godzilla, and made a sandwich for a samurai warrior. Then took the salad back to Gendo.  
  
"FOR GOD SAKE FATHER DON'T DO IT! NO FATHER STOP! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! WHY DID YOU PUT MAYONAYSE ON THE SALAD!  
  
"They were out of miracle whip Shinji. It was that or eat a salad without something creamy and delicious. That is something I am not willing to sacrifice."  
  
"Father why…? I would rather die."  
  
"There were no options Shinji. It was the only way."  
  
"Quiet," Stated Rei.  
  
"Oh shut up wondergirl," replied Auska  
  
"Ungrateful bitch."  
  
"HOW DARE YOU CALL ME A BITCH!"  
  
Auska then had unit 02 blow up unit 00.  
  
"Dammit Misato we need another Rei, call downstairs," stated Gendo plainly.  
  
"I'll do it tomorrow I got to go "drinking" with Kaji." Misato then giggled.  
  
"What do you mean by going "drinking" Misato," Shinji asked.  
  
"God Shinji you are more clueless then I thought."  
  
"Then what does she mean Auska?"  
  
"Trust me you don't want to know you dumbass."  
  
"Oooooooooh that's what it means." Shinji then got a nosebleed.  
  
Then for no apparent reason Karou walked into the room.  
  
"Hey Shinji you want to go "drinking" tonight too?  
  
"NO WAY YOU FAG!"  
  
"How can you say that after last night Shinji. I am pretty sure you enjoyed yourself."  
  
Shinji then turned beet red.  
  
"Dear god my son is a fairy."  
  
Then another Rei showed up.  
  
"Hey Rei want to go "drinking" with me?" asked Asuka.  
  
"Get away from me you dyke."  
  
"HEY IM NOT A DYKE! I'M BISEXUAL!"  
  
"I did not need to know that."  
  
"Fine then I'll go "drinking" with Karou!"  
  
"Hey because your bisexual doesn't mean I am. Stupid dyke."  
  
"I'M BI! NOT A DYKE!"  
  
"Stupid bitch."  
  
Then the girls from Ranma ½ came in and started stepping on Asuka, and Karou screaming "EEEK A PERVERT!"  
  
"Uhhh your in the wrong series."  
  
"We are? God dammit I hate it when that happens."  
  
"Three doors down on the right."  
  
"Okay thanks."  
  
As they left they kicked Karou a little more just for fun. Then in another act of randomness the sexual harassment panda came in.  
  
"It makes me a sad panda when one panda engages in sexual activity with another panda."  
  
"SHUT UP PANDA MAN!" Then Karou kicked the sexual harassment panda into the air never to be seen again. Then for no reason at all Karou turned into a giant pez dispenser.  
  
"KICKASS! PEZ!" Then Gendo picked up the giant pez dispenser. "This is going in my office."  
  
"NOOO FATHER I WANT THE PEZ!"  
  
Then Karou the pez dispenser who just has his head starts to talk. "Hey don't I get a sa…ACKKKK" Gendo then popped up Karou's head and took a giant pez out of his pez dispenser body.  
  
"Ooooh orange my favorite."  
  
"DON'T DO THAT AGAIN!"  
  
"Shut up my pez dispenser slave."  
  
Then realizing that this is going nowhere the author makes Karou normal again.  
  
"LETS SEE IF YOU'RE A PEZ DISPENSER!" Karou then tries to force Gendo's head back to see if some pez pops out. "Awww no pez." Then realizing that Gendo left his salad unguarded Karou picked up the salad to use it as a hostage. "NOW MEET MY DEMANDS OR ELSE THE SALAD GETS IT!"  
  
"Name your demands."  
  
"FIRST OFF NO MORE PEZ! THEN I WANT SHINJI AS MY SEX SLAVE! AND I WANT THE LETTER "M" STRICKEN FROM THE ENGLISH AND JAPANESE LANGUAGE! AND I WANT, I WANT THE TACO BELL DOG!"  
  
"WE WILL NOT PART WITH THE TACO BELL DOG!"  
  
Then for obvious reasons Shinji started to object. "NO FATHER DON'T DO IT!"  
  
"SHUT UP SHINJI YOU MY BITCH NOW!"  
  
"NO NEVER!"  
  
"COME HERE SHINJI!"  
  
"I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away, I mustn't… wait a minute what the hell am I saying!?! I'M OUTTA HERE!" Then Shinji took unit one and went to France and destroyed it for fun because France is so easily destroyed and they have good bread and he became the absolute ruler of France.  
  
"Well that was odd."  
  
"OH SHINJI-CHAN COME BACK!" Then Karou went to France to try and find Shinji, dropping the salad which Gendo put in a fire-proof safe.  
  
"Hey Misato. Misato?" Misato was on the ground busily making out with Kaji. "Mind if I join?" Misato immediately got up and started screaming.  
  
"NO WAY KAJI IS MY BOY-TOY!"  
  
"Come on Misato I want to be with Kaji!!!" Asuka said in a nagging voice.  
  
"NO! Go make out with Rei or something."  
  
"Get away from me you bitch."  
  
"NO ONE LIKES ME!"  
  
"Duh." Shinji said. He had come back as ruler of France with a big gold crown and flowing robes and all that stuff. He was on a chair being held up by some flunkies.  
  
"Shinji your back…hey I saw something weird in the broom closet wanna check with me?"  
  
"Nope. Get her flunkies!" Then Shinji's flunkies threw her in Shinji's dungeon with Karou.  
  
"Make a move on Shinji too?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Ungrateful bastard."  
  
Back with Shinji and everyone else in Japan…  
  
"I AM THE RULER OF FRANCE FEAR ME!"  
  
"Shinji no one is afraid of France."  
  
"Really? Dammit. Oh well."  
  
Then Karou and Asuka came back.  
  
"I thought you were in the dungeon!"  
  
"You left the key on the floor dumbass."  
  
"Damn flunkies."  
  
Then the vengeful Pop 'N' Fresh came in with a crowbar.  
  
"ALL YOU HUMANS THINK ITS FUNNY WHEN YOU POKE MY STOMACH! NOW IM GONNA POKE YOU WITH MY CROWBAR!" Pop 'N' Fresh then beat Rei and Kaji to death with the crowbar and did his little laugh when Gendo poked him in the stomach.  
  
"NOOOOOO NOT MORE POKING!"  
  
"OH MY GOD THEY KILLED KAJI!!!!"  
  
"YOU BASTARD!!"  
  
"Hey I'm hungry." Shinji then picked Pop 'N' Fresh and threw him into the oven and turned him into a biscuit pulled him out of the oven and ate him, then destroying the dough menace.  
  
Then another Rei came in.  
  
And because Pen Pen is the best character in the entire show he walks in with a purple pimp outfit on.  
  
"SQUAWK!"  
  
"Oh Pen Pen you have such a way with words."  
  
" Squawk squawk squawk. SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK SQUAWK! Squawk squawk squawk squawk.  
  
That translated into: "Hi I am Pen Pen; your god. WORSHIP ME YOU BLITHERING IDIOTS. Start groveling."  
  
Then everyone decided for no apparent reason to go on Jerry Springer and work out their problems in front of millions of strangers that would think they were all trailer trash.  
  
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End of part one. R&R or else. And if I offended you then BURN IN HELL! J/p 


	2. Jerry Springer intro!

Pointless Random Funny Stuff By: Blackstar  
  
Disclaimer don't sue me I'm broke. And I don't own Evangelion. And all characters mentioned in this story or any franchises are property to their rightful owner and I am not making any money off the said trademarks and I hope that people who read this go and give these people money so they won't bother me. =) BTW this isn't made to have lots of detail or make too much sense so don't tell me that it is horribly written it was made that way intentionally. And everyone is basically OOC. Heh heh heh. ===============================================================  
  
As we last left off Shinji had stopped the vengeful Pop 'N' Fresh by eating him, after he killed Kaji and Rei. Also Pen Pen proclaimed himself as god and demanded some quality groveling time. Then they decided to go to the Jerry Springer show and sort out their myriad of problems. "Welcome to the Jerry Springer show! Today we are talking to a group of co-workers and how messed up they are!" In the background you could hear the chanting of "JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!" "Now here is Shinji Ikari, the pilot of Evanelion unit one!" "Its pronounced as Evangelion." "Oh whatever. Now it says here that you are the pilot of the eva thingy and your father has abandoned you for a clone of your mother." "Something like that." "God you are messed up." "HEY!" "Okay now here is Rei Ayanami the pilot of Evangelion unit zero!" "Greetings." "It says here that you are a clone of Shinji's mother and have the personality of a tree stump." "Bitch." "Right. Now here is Misato Katsuragi she is the director of operations at Nerv, and she is also a wackjob with father issues, and a know alcoholic." "HEY I'M GOING TO AA MEETINGS YOU ASSHOLE!" "Whatever, now this is Kaji Ryoji, he is Misato's boy toy as she calls him. And he frequently hits on other women!" "Hey you in the back row, yeah the one on the pink shirt. Call me." "Please don't hit on the audience Mr. Ryoji. But the next person is Karou Nagisa he is a flaming homosexual, an angel, and is in love with Shinji." "I'm happy to say that Shinji and I are now lovers Jerry." "NO WE AREN'T I WAS DRUGGED BY YOU!" "What it was just a sedative." "That was more information that I cared to hear at the point of the show. But anyway now lets bring out Gendo Ikari, Shinji's father and head of Nerv. He cloned his dead wife Yui, and the finished product is Rei over there." "This was not part of the schedule." "And I hadn't thought I would be doing this when I was a kid. Shit happens get over it. But anyway now here is Asuka Langley Soryu the only person in the series who got a middle name." "It good to be on television Jerry. Now the world can observe my greatness." "Whatever. Now here is the most mentally stable person in the studio, Pen Pen!" "Squawk." "Very well put Pen Pen, but now its time for some commercials that help constitute my salary."  
  
=============================================================== Chapter 2 is fin. It is short but I didn't feel like writing too much right now. 


	3. Pen Pen and Rei

Pointless Random Funny Stuff By: Blackstar  
  
Disclaimer don't sue me I'm broke. And I don't own Evangelion. And all characters mentioned in this story or any franchises are property to their rightful owner and I am not making any money off the said trademarks and I hope that people who read this go and give these people money so they won't bother me. =) BTW this isn't made to have lots of detail or make too much sense so don't tell me that it is horribly written it was made that way intentionally. And everyone is basically OOC. Heh heh heh. ==========================================================  
  
"Okay welcome back to the Jerry Springer Show!"  
"JERRY JERRY JERRY!'  
"Today's show is all about messed up co-workers and their problems! We introduced everyone before the break which seemed unusually long...Anyway first we're going to talk to Pen Pen! Now Pen Pen what is your problem?"  
"Squawk, squawk, squawk"  
Pen Pen to English translator: Well Jerry, I'm God and I'm not getting the attention and groveling that I need.  
"I see. Now how are you sure that you are actually God?"  
"Look at me! I'm a freakin' Penguin! If that doesn't convince you listen to this! I drink beer and live in a 'fridge. Plus I have this kick ass pimp outfit and the bitches are all uponz."  
"So your divine power comes from the fact that you drink beer, live in a refrigerator, you're a snappy dresser, and the ladies love you?"  
"Yep."  
"Well I'm sold."  
"Bitch best respect. Now everyone in the audience better start screamin my name before I get all Godly on yo ass biatch!"  
And it was so.  
"Okay Pen Pen, now when is your worship service?"  
"Three in the afternoon, when I wake up, and at my refrigerator. I better see some damn human sacrifices dammit!"  
"I'll be there. Besides, I never liked my kids. Now we're moving on to Rei Ayan-oh fuck it. Now you're a clone of Shinji's mother."  
"More or less."  
"And you have no soul?"  
"Indeed."  
"So you're not very interesting to talk to?"  
"I suppose."  
"That's why you're answering in three words or less?"  
"Indeed."  
"Okay well we have a way to make you interesting! Bring out Dr. Shoals!"  
"Hi everyone."  
"Dr. Shoals here is a plastic surgeon. What is going to happen is that you two are going into the backroom where we have set up an operating room. He is going to give you large breast implants to the point where none of the guys, and some girls, won't care that you're dull as hell!"  
"Okay let's go Rei!"  
"I object."  
"Sorry you don't have a choice. And with that let's cut to a commercial!"  
"PEN PEN! PEN PEN! PEN PEN!"  
"That's right bitch! WHATS MY NAME!?" 


End file.
